Asetya: Non-stealing….

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Continuing with reading from “The Secret of the Yamas: A Spiritual Guide to Yoga” by John McAfee.  Click on the link above to hear about Asetya/non-stealing.  There are so many levels of asetya and we feel it when someone has in a very sneaky competitive manner copies our ideas/activities- claiming them as their own and never acknowledging us for the kernel of the idea.  The acknowledgement would be just the thing to make it sit right between the parties but our society gives sanctions blindly for stealing on all levels.  It happens so often, everyday, that we most times let it roll off our backs but I really get this passage from McAfee’s writings: ” This grievance may reveal itself in subtle or overt ways; at the least our mistrust and suspicion  have stolen the harmony of the relationship.”  This is the damning thing that left unsaid ruins so much between folks.  When we advocate for our boundaries to be respected often then we are viewed as arrogant, a hard-line to choose.  In the beginning and end I choose to try my best not to engage in asetya on all levels.  I try to give credit and express gratitude and also try to realize that everyone doesn’t have the grace to be considerate.  Measuring out compassion for self and others seems really important with this Yama.  Thanks for listening and do leave your comments here. Namaste

(n.b…..and yes I did get permission from the artists to photograph their exquisite Kolams/Rangoli.  These are from the area of Pondy near the sea, north of Anna Salai Blvd.  I spent many mornings walking around and talking with the Ladies who rise early to grace their homes with these awesome designs.  I first offered my respect and admiration and only if given permission I would snap the picture.  Almost all did give permission, only those I was able to capture.  After finishing these awesome ladies go onto their everyday chores and work.  People pass by  all day walking over the kolams.   Scooters, motorcycles, auto- rickshaws and cars drive over them, goats, monkeys, dogs and cats scatter around them….and the next morning these artists awaken, wash off the sacred ground before their doorways and start another ornament.  What a way to start the day and to keep blessings flowing in the doorway by way of admiration/respect/gratitude.  OM)

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254 responses »

  1. A good point to be made like said is the yamas sound very easy but in essence, we are fighting against our own nature. Jealousy and envy are so natural because we need to compare ourselves to others to understand ourselves. Jealousy brings out ugly parts of ourselves and can be a negative energy. Although Id like to think that what we are envious of points us in a direction we want to. All emotions I believe are guideposts directing u to where we are meant to go. If I were jealous of a rich man and subsequently worked towards becoming rich and perhaps did. In doing so, I would find something else to be jealous of as a rich man. With each problem resolved is a problem is created. Growth is the antidote to jealousy because in doing so we are reminded of envy’s organic nature.

  2. This audio is fairly interesting. Knowing that folks like to compare themselves to another individual is not new. Little do they all know is that comparison between people came cause rivalry and or jealousy. Basically, this audio helps individuals realize comparing oneself to another is not healthy for the human body. U do believe our intentions are to be yourself however, we get caught in the moment of disappointment in oneself, causing us to connect our actions to each other. So basically I learned to listen to my own mind and focus on my own system.

  3. The issue spoken of, regarding the human obsession with the ability to escape an issue I find very interesting. In this case the addiction to obtaining the things we may currently lack due to the belief that it will bring us to a level of fulfillment that we could not obtain otherwise. Using these methods to do what we believe is chasing after fulfillment, however, in actuality we are utilizing these mindsets as a means to escape ourselves. We are using our obsession with whatever it equates to success, which we believe will bring us happiness, or wholeness, to escape our emptiness.
    I find it very interesting that this has been assigned to us to respond to at this point in time because I feel the negative effects of this. I am the person who chases after success and am addicted to working on projects in areas I am passionate about, in order to escape my depression, loneliness or emptiness. Then when I am left with little, or nothing to do I feel a gaping emptiness, leaving me feeling detached from the world and those in it. I almost feel like I’m not actually real, or not actually in existence until I interact with people. I feel the need to cry often, with no real reason for it to be attached to. Then as a tactic to escape my emptiness, which in my mind I am telling myself is my way of combating it, I listen to music, drink, play video games, I have sex, I go out to parties, all in the hopes of feeling and maintaining a sense of happiness and wholeness. But it never lasts, and it leaves me feeling extremely numb or empty.
    This brought me to further speculation about the nature surrounding these habits. I began to notice that the majority of our innovations as human beings have come from this addiction to escape ourselves. We do whatever we can, often sacrificing the well-being of our own bodies in order to successfully reach whatever goal we have in mind. Being that these people are the ones that have control over our media and technology, the two things aside from basic human necessity we live our lives based around, because they build it, there has become a popular culture around the destruction of self in order to obtain external fulfillment. Which in these cases are linked to building civilizations, creating the internet, building artificial intelligence. So I wonder how civilization would look had we been taking ourselves into consideration, for those who didn’t. I personally believe we would be far more advanced both technologically as well as social politically.

    • You have put the pieces of your own puzzle out there, it’s only a matter of time when you decide to do the arduous work to process and own your results, I hope you choose to stay on this Path, Namaste

  4. Asetya is another of the eight limbs. This limb is defined in the yamas as ‘nonstealing’, but this part of the Secret of the Yamas also describes Asetya as non-jealousy. This clip describes that by a person wanting what others have, they can be lead to theft of the thing, resentfulness and envy of the person, and worst of all greed. I would not have made a connection between nonstealing and jealousy, but I can see where by being jealous a person could be lead to breaking this Yama. By envying others’ possessions, we are comparing ourselves to another’s successes, and focusing away from our own growth. Just like in the last clip, we must focus on our own inner self rather than that of others.

    Although we are called to strive for Asetya with the rest of the limbs, just like with non-violence this requires us to oppose our very nature and pushes us further away from the limb we are striving for. Envy is a humanistic thing, we are raised to put ourselves against one another. We are taught to have the best grades in comparison to others, have the best attitude, and look the best. Therefore, by attempting to completely eradicate this envy and comparison humanistic trait, we are straying still further from this Yama. We want to allow ourselves to be released from jealousy so that we can be our own person, but in doing so we compare our choice to others, and the cycle continues. We choose to bring into or take things out of our lives to be fulfilled but, as the Secret of the Yamas says, we cannot create fulfillment by simply wanting to be fulfilled.

    As I mentioned with the last one, I believe the best way to approach this Yama is accepting our inner bias towards envy and comparison. By doing this, we do not allow it to have power over us, and we may continue to further ourselves, as best as humanly possible, into Asetya.

  5. In this reading of John McAfee’s “The Secret of the Yamas: A Spiritual Guide to Yoga,” the idea of asetya or “non-stealing” is examined. McAfee discusses the impact of jealousy/envy on the individual person. He also talks about how attempting to eradicate yourself of jealousy/envy can cause you to be distracted from gaining what you are actually jealous of. McAfee addresses the reason behind our envy and jealousy which is that we constantly divide the world and then compare each part to ourselves. We isolate ourselves from the rest of humanity by doing this and ultimately create a longing for fulfillment.

    I related to the idea that McAfee brings up that we strive to make ourselves better in order to achieve fulfillment. I feel that our society teaches us to constantly compare ourselves to others in order to create a stronger sense of jealousy/envy for competition. An important idea that McAfee discusses that counteracts this societal need for comparison is that we cannot create fulfillment ourselves through effort. Lastly, another important idea that McAfee shows is that looking for the root of jealousy/envy and our lack of fulfillment will bring us to a better understanding of ourselves and our individual path.

  6. “absence of envy”
    -resent is a branch of envy
    -“form of constraint”
    -ther is no way to grow when feeling resentful and envy
    -envy because we compare
    -leads to isolation
    -fuilfilment does not lie in the things you do not want
    -probing into your own unfuilment / stop comparing

    I feel as though this is a very important lesson for many, which can be explored at great lengths. It is human nature to want something you do not, however the society in which we live in escalates this sentiment and bringing it out in many. The media is largely responsible in this, class divisions , marketing , the use of advertisements, and the use of social media (meaning being in the knowhow of everyone around you) have made the feelings of resentment and envy amplify, especially to those who are currently experiencing a dip in their lives. It is a quick trick, a distraction from yourself, to constantly expose yourself to the things you do not have. It turns the focus away from your inner light and towards the absence, and ironically enough since the focus is on the absence itself there is no way of knowing how to fill it in. This is coming both from personal experience and observation in people close in my life. Not to go in extreme detail , but after being uprooted from the country I was raised in and placed in this harshly different cultural landscape when I was a young teen, I found myself holding onto much resentment. I wanted what I had , and while I focused on what I had lost, I was completely depriving myself of the experiences directly in front of me, getting in the way of my own path. Since then however, I’ve learned its important in the art of self care to practice forgiveness both in terms of yourself an others and in the circumstances presented to you by the universe. While it is not always easy , making peace with all that happens around you is the only way to keep growing. I am grateful everyday I ended my own cycle of resentment and I wish that anyone caught in it is able to do the same, change has not gotten any easier but being more open to it has changed how I am affected by it.

  7. With the practice of yoga/meditation, or more than anything the study of the Yamas, one can learn to feel peace of mind (ease) through that of both the mind and body, as well as being able to restrain oneself from any form of negative energy; that being the topic or theme within this article of Asteya (non-stealing). As jealousy and envy are natural human like emotions and acts of behavior, the practice of Asteya can teach an individual to subdue oneself to any forms of hatred or acts of jealousy. This feeling of jealousy can drain our confidence or way we express ourselves to other people and can even drive us to doing hurtful/harmful things; along with this it could/can isolate us from others and/or society altogether. “This grievance may reveal itself in subtle or overt ways; at the least our mistrust and suspicion have stolen the harmony of the relationship” (McAfee).

  8. “The Secret of the Yamas: A Spiritual Guide to Yoga”, this audio focuses on asetya, meaning non-stealing. Everyone has felt the levels of asetya before, when they see someone they don’t like, jealous of someone, being competitive, etc. even if you don’t acknowledge your manner at first. We should take the tense energy that we are building up inside and train ourselves to make healthy changes to our lives instead of being jealous of somebody else. When being jealous of someone or something, at first it’s a natural reaction but instead of consciously focusing on what you don’t have, you should make individual goals for yourself and tackle your own individual problems because you’re not benefiting anything when comparing yourself to others.

    With my experience, I would often compare myself to other people on social media which would make me angry because I didn’t know why I was jealous. I wasn’t benefiting anything from being jealous of others. With myself, I list individual goals and try to accomplish them so I’m less concentrated on others which helps me create a more healthier mindset.

    -Melenie Warner

  9. In this audio, it explained the topic of jealousy and comparison of one person to the other. generally, jealousy comes from the thoughts of a person’s insecurities and also fears that they cannot overcome but see that others can. Jealousy is something that I believe everyone at one point or another has experienced. I, myself tend to get jealous easily, and I understand that is because I sometimes in certain situations feel insecure. But afterward, I also think clearly and not understand why I got so jealous when I could choose to not be.
    The audio clip also talked about Asteya which means non-stealing. Which have different levels of the actual meaning, I took it as the meaning of people stealing other people’s methods and ideas and ways of living. I don’t know if this is a good example of the Asteya but it came straight to mind. There was an inventor named Louis Le Prince and he originally invented the motion picture camera but in history books, he is never mentioned. Everyone thinks that Thomas Edison is the original inventor, but my point is that when Louis le Prince died no one gave him credit of his work and was quickly forgotten and in a way Thomas Edison went from Louis’s idea and took credit later on even when there is proof that Louis made the first movie ever.
    I related a lot on the part of envious of the rich because of the lack of money poor people have. When I grew up a big part of my childhood is learning to appreciate the small things because my parents did not have a lot of money and not to feel envious of not having what everyone else has simply of the lack of money. And I get it, from a first-hand experience that no matter how much we are taught to not be jealous or envious it, I think, a natural instinct that can push in a way motivation to strive better. I believe a person always has a choice and being jealous and the actions caused by jealousy can be negative but the person can always choose the positive choice, that is, motivating themselves into doing better and help themselves motivate to have fewer insecurities.

  10. In this audio clip, Asetya: Non-stealing…, the audiences’ focus is directed towards envy and its corruption to the being. Humans are often guilty of feeling this jealousy sometime as it is only natural since there is always someone who has it “better” than you. In the end, many desire so much and lose focus of their path. We all want the ideal and most comfortable lives, according to societal standards, that we can get. We resent what we can not have and become bitter. We strive to obtain the ideal while losing ourselves in the process. The only way to not envy is to be content: content with what you have, but more importantly who you are because there is a difference.

    To me, I do not believe that all desire leads to envy or resentment and I know that wanting a certain career does not cause me to imitate others and lose my sense of self. How do I know this? Simple: the major that I am currently in is not the one that I wanted. I trained hard to achieve my dream, but I ended up not making the cut. Am I resentful? No, I understand why I didn’t get in. That’s not to say that I wasn’t hurt by this rejection, I was especially since it was and still is something that’s very personal. My desire does not make me resent or want to be the people who were accepted, rather it pushes me to want to work harder so that I may be able to learn more and continue to grow with guidance instead of stand still or stagnate. Why don’t I feel as though this desire has caused me to lose myself? Simple, because my aim is something that has always made ME happy and is something that I can not discard so easily. It is not like wanting money or fame, for me, it is to feel like I am doing something that I love, something that is me. Therefore, I must disagree in part that all desire leads to an unhealthy envy of others.

    I do agree that life without desire would lead to a fuller and more balanced existence where green envy would be blocked out no longer discoloring our essence. One would be content with who they are and focus not on what is lacking compared to others. Without desire, there would be no need for comparisons since there would exist no envy. This idea seems foolproof, however, I am not so sure that humanity could pull this off as we often get distracted and redirected by our baser instincts.

  11. It is no surprise to me that getting rid of envy in your life can completely change your life. It all easier said than done, but we can start by not comparing ourselves to others and completely focusing on ourselves. This is something I have been doing and I feel like it’s a relieving and very important thing I am doing. The post focuses on Asetya and states how humans are striving for what we don’t have and it all leads to jealousy, we all need to strive for greatness in a positive way. We should be thankful for what we have and all the things we want will come in time. Yoga is a great way to self appreciate and a great way to become more Intune with our thoughts which leads to self love. I think a good approach is to face these feelings of jealousy, question why and revaluate all the good things in your life this should motivate you to do even better and accomplish your goals. We can not let jealousy distract us from our goals because in a way it does hold us back.

  12. In this day and age, I think asetya is so important because with the development of social media we are more connected to each other, on a superficial level, than ever before. There are benefits to social media; voices who were previously not represented by the media now have the opportunity to speak and long distant communication is much easier. At the same time, we are constantly exposed to everyone else’s business and specifically only the things they choose to share about their lives. It believe it is so much harder to avoid comparing yourself to others than ever before because of this. I constantly hear of studies relating to depressed teens/bad self image and social media .While I struggled more with this in high school, before realizing that it really was pointless to always compare, it still can be a hard to break and unproductive habit.

    The reading says we envy because we compare; social media makes this so much easier but this issue has always existed in humanity. It’s cliche but true..we always want what we can’t have. But then there’s the other cliche..the grass is always greener on the other side. When we compare ourselves to others, we don’t imagine the stresses or personal issues they may be experiencing. Not considering the full humanity of others is another reason envy is so dangerous.

    
I believe something productive thing we can do, is look at what we do have and make it as strong as possible. Gratitude is so important. If you begin to focus on what you do have instead of what you don’t, you can change your whole attitude on life. I believe something else we can do to achieve asetya is just see every human being as what they are..another imperfect but lovely human being. All of these things of course, are easier said than done.

    Finally, I don’t ever think envy is a healthy feeling but I do think there are ways to respect and look up to what someone has and want better for yourself. For example, I really look up to my boss at the music venue I work at. I really hope to one day achieve being a full time Talent Buyer like her, and curating my own solo projects as well as traveling to many different festivals and shows. I do want what she has eventually, but I don’t envy her because I know with my entry level experience it would be impossible for me to hold her position. I do think there are ways to want what others have that are not greed or stealing, I think attitude and self awareness are major keys in making this difference.

    -Anneliese Treitmeier-McCarthy

  13. I like the term Asetya because it makes people self-evaluate themselves to see where their jealously lies. It also helps guide people into trying to succeed in self-fulfillment. Jealousy is one of the most dangerous feelings, in my opinion, because sometimes we do not realize that we have feelings of jealously within us. It is in our human nature to want to obtain objects or people we do not have. McAfee furthers this point by stating, we compare ourselves to others. I resinate with what McAfee is saying, I often compare myself to others, it has become sort of second nature where I compare myself to people without thinking. McAfee said that theft leads to jealously and I think jealously leads to theft as well. If we are so jealous of someone because they have objects and/or ideas we want to obtain for ourselves, it will lead to them stealing it.

  14. The principle of non-stealing – or Asetya – may sound easier to follow than it actually may be. Although people generally try to remain from stealing physical items such as money or cars, people do not refrain from “stealing” things such as ideas or taking photos without permission. That may be because some forms of stealing have a threat of punishment attached to it that goes beyond getting caught and being reprimanded. When people unknowingly steal and are not caught, there is not the same “rush” that stealing possessions and getting away with the crime can bring.

    But the want to steal – even unknowingly – stems from jealously. People want things that they don’t have and they feel proud of the things they have that other people do not have. Whether it is an object or some characteristic about someone else, people are drawn to possessions that they or someone else own. And letting that jealously stay may not always lead to physically stealing something, but it can lead to someone robbing themselves of peace and trust in others over their possessions.

  15. This is a topic that is very relevant to my own life right now. It has been important to stop comparing myself against others in order for me to let go of feelings of inferiority and jealousy. Releasing these negative feelings, which have shown to bring only pain, has allowed me to appreciate the things in my own life and feel more fulfilled.

    McAfee says that fulfillment can only be achieved by ceasing the comparisons that lead you to be dissatisfied. I guess this is to say that fulfillment is a sort of mindset, one of accepting your situation, but it seems like this mentality is dangerous in that it might promote complacency. I’m not sure that I agree with the thought that fulfillment can not be attained through effort, because sometimes I think one needs to be dissatisfied in order to make necessary changes in one’s life.

  16. What I found valuable in this article was the idea that it is necessary to reduce and exercise control over our physical compulsions in order to be more present while practicing yoga, and in our day to day life. Sadhguru admits that you will never be truly free from these compulsions, but to not be so quickly moved by them is in my opinion a good skill to have, and a necessary one for mental and spiritual discipline. I’m not convinced by all of the claims about water and sweating through the head and the element of prana which is lost through sweating. I would like to know more about this and if it has any basis in hard science and physiology.

    I was also intrigued by the idea of working up to higher states through practice and that one cannot bring a higher state down to their level on command. It emphasizes the need for steady growth and practice of one’s mental discipline.

  17. In this part of the listening of the Asetya, I found it very interesting that the audio talked about fulfillment and comparison. This reminded me of the other listening about violence. Innately we are violent and we are jealous. I found the use of isolation interesting as well. When I think of isolation, I usually think of a time to shape yourself through reflection and becoming self aware, but they way it’s explained here makes a lot of sense. It’s not a physical isolation from the world, but a harmful mental isolation, something that separates us further as human beings. I believe this is where the separation of social classes came from. “We envy because we compare” this stood out to me and made me think of success. Success is something that people are constantly chasing, constantly trying to become the best at what they do, never becoming satisfied.
    Like violence, we must dig beneath the surface of ourselves and find the reason for the lack of fulfillment in our lives. It is something that we must first accept that we are rather than deny, then confront it rather than trying to bury it with things that never mattered.

  18. I like the term Asetya because it makes people self-evaluate themselves to see where their jealously lies, which helps guide people into trying to succeed in their journey of self-fullment.One of the most dangerous feelings is jealousy. People who contain jealously never know if they have it, and if they do it is hard to get rid of it. It is embedded in our human nature to want to obtain objects or people we do not have. McAfee furthers this point by stating, the reason jealously exists is because we compare ourselves to others.

    I practiced the Isha Kryia four times this week. It was harder for me to focus because of midterms. When I am stressed it becomes truly difficult to have a clear mind and concentrate on the task at hand. Although it was hard for me to concentrate on Isha kryia, I have adopted a routine. I do it at night before bed with the lights out, so when I am finish I go straight to bed, and on my bed with my back against the wall.

  19. I appreciate very much how this audio goes to speak on the pressing issue of jealous and how it can conflict with our overall being. The idea of jealousy is very prevalent in our world today, as we are constantly refreshing our minds through social media sites.

    These applications do connect us to the world however, they greatly disconnect us from our most positive, enriched, being. Sites like FaceBook and Instagram only allow others to see the curated lifestyle which you share with them- curated is the key word here, as our social media profiles are our best selves not our true selves. By this I mean that, we create a comparison war, a jealousy train that keeps on chugging away. We put only the best moments of our lives online for others to see, not our struggles, trials or tribulations. We are in a constant battle to become better, smarter, more talented, than those with whom we follow.

    This jealous and comparison only grows stronger the more time we spend on these applications. It is so crucial to our mental and physical well being to detox ourselves from these sites because if we don’t, we will be traveling in a path that surely does not lead to becoming yoga.

  20. Asetya meaning non-stealing. It could also mean non-jealous. if you are jealous then you could feel tempted to steal. Us, humans classify people, we compare ourselves with the ones that we believe are less and/or more than us. We want what we don’t have, for example, if you are poor then you want to be rich and envy rich people, and this doesn’t go away by just ignoring it because even if you are not stealing from them, you are trying to fulfill something that’s not you and you separate yourselves from the rest of the world which separates us. We will never live life to its fullest if we keep classifying ourselves and the others because this separates us. We start accumulating what we think we need for happiness, but it will never happen because it will never be enough. By accumulating we are trying to escape reality. What we need to do is find the cause of this jealousy, don’t compare yourself with others, don’t separate yourself from the rest. This is the only way.
    The asetya is such an important part of life because some people make these jealousies their goals in life, goals that will never be fulfilled, so what would life be about? we need to be one with the earth and the rest of the world, never single ourselves out because you will never reach happiness like this.

  21. Asetya/Non-stealing is the absence of envy. Envy is is wanting what another has. If we are jealous, desiring to possess something that is not ours and we do not steal, the urge may actually manifest into a new feeling such as anger, resentment, or indignation. Yama is a form of restraint, but it is extremely important to knowledge that even we use will power or discipline to to resist envy, or any feeling as a matter of fact, we will never be free. We may act as thought we are free but in all actualality we only create a form of behavior that is rigid. Living by this rigid form hinders our ability to live in the present moment. This behavior is not us, it is only a mask we have created and wear based on what we think is right and wrong, how things should and shouldn’t be. While trying to willfully create the feeling of not being envious, we end up strengthening envy. Envy is a reality, and something that is normal within this life, it isn’t meant to be shamed, rather it should be loved. If we turn our backs on this it will not simply go away. Envy comes from comparing, we compare ourselves to others as well as ourselves and our ideas on how we should and shouldn’t be. Division only comes from comparing and dividing separates us even further from the world, eventually leading to isolation. Longing to be something we aren’t, hoping that one day this becoming will give us the fulfillment that we lack. But in all actuality we lack nothing, we are whole as we stand. The only escape from this suffering, is to accept ourselves as we are, for better or worse.
    Accepting all aspects of ourselves is one of the most important things to living happily and peacefully within yourself. There is no reason to change for someone else idea, unless an idea truly resonates with you and you feel that it is a truth that lies within yourself. But if it is something that is not your truth you have every right not to live by it. It’s not yours. Hopefully the world can come to a place in time when they accept what is now and world with it to the best of their ability.

  22. Asety as abscense of jealousy and abscense of envy because this grievance causes stealing or at the least disharmony. I think it is important to state that jealousy will never go away and the willpower to imitate someone without jealously is harmful. It’s in nature to compare. We compare wealth, status, families, others confidence and stop in our path. In doing so we rest of self esteem in potentially vain and unhealthy elements. We look for fulfillment in our lack of based on what others have which we don’t. We must recognize we all feel unfulfilled and recognize that we need to rest our self esteem in positive, healthy elements. For example I am jealous of people with larger living spaces than me. I think it is more productive to ask myself what that envy reflects of me. Perhaps it reflects i have not completed a goal or that my work doesn’t award me in the way I like. A big house represents success and happiness to me. Perhaps I need to distance myself for that idea or position my thinking to align with the work it takes to have my ideal living situation. However it is hard not to get caught up in my jealousy and ask why I really feel that way. I strongly feel that because envy is in our nature we must put all our effort into working with ourselves instead of working against or nature. Id like to look at my envy as guideposts to who I’d like to become.

  23. When listening to this, I was reminded of how much time I spend comparing myself to others. I tend to let envious feelings get the best of me. Wanting to be more healthy like my cousin or for my life to be more like a best friend. I find myself craving what other people had and I’m currently in a place where I’m trying to find the worthiness within myself. Beyond the comparisons. I know that comparing hasn’t made me happy and I want to find my own happiness.

    I am so happy that I listened to this audio today when I acknowledged my comparative thoughts. I feel like I will come back to this clip to be a reminder for myself or at least pick up the book. I want to grow out of the tendency to desire the stages of life other people are at. I know it will take time and I will be patient with myself.

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